So here it is: this morning, I watched a local daytime talk show. The segment was “Dating 101”. A blogger was referenced as suggesting the #1 thing EVERYONE on a first date should ask. The suggestion? “What happened between you and your ex?”
Now, I’m not trying to bash another blogger….especially on my first ever blog post. That’s just not kind. BUT WHAT?! WHAT??? Sounds to me like the question you should ask on a first date if you DEFINITELY don’t want a second one.
Here’s the thing: I was a SERIAL dater for about 3 years after college…and I blame it on Kristin Chenoweth. Let’s back it up a little, shall we?
I graduated from Loyola University Chicago in 2011, and was ready to take on the musical theatre world with APLOMB. I couldn’t fathom having anything come between me and my path to Broadway, where I was certain I’d land sometime before my 23rd birthday (HA!!!!!). A few months after graduating, I was late night rabbit-holing on broadway.com (I’m a really cool person), and I tuned into an episode of the vlog “Show People”. I love this series. The editor of Broadway.com Paul Wontorek sits down with different stage actors and interviews them, plain and simple. This week’s guest was none other than Kristin Chenoweth, star of STAGE (and screen). This incredibly successful woman started out by describing her great happiness and success….and then, the interview took a turn. She spoke about the loneliness of success. She mentioned how many great women in the profession are single, and how BETTY BUCKLEY told her “it’s hard for us divas” (regarding dating). It became so clear that the Cheno, who in my eyes seemed to have it all, just wanted to be loved.
Well fuck. My little 22 year old pea brain started RUNNING. All I had wanted was to be a Broadway Diva. But did the CHENO just tell me that I could never have that AND a relationship? Being 6 months out from my most recent breakup (which in all honesty was still buggin’ me), I did NOT want to be successful and alone for the long haul.
I should also note here that I have amazing parents who are my best friends (freaky only child here, hey!). They’ll be celebrating their 30th anniversary this summer. Go Mom and Dad! One of the things they DRILLED into my brain once I hit my teens was to date as many people as I could. Otherwise, how would I ever know what I wanted/liked/needed in a relationship? Since I did little to no dating in high school and had only done the “relationship” (a term I use lightly) thing in college, I realized my time was NOW. Cheno’s warning to future divas coupled with my parents advice meant that my time for dating WAS UPON US...well...upon me.
So, I serial dated. For about 3 years. I dated more than any other single 20something woman I know ever has. I don’t mean SLEPT WITH PEOPLE or HOOKED UP (cool it, conservative adults who somehow found this post). I mean actually dated. Went to dinners. Went to drinks. Went to concerts. I met people online, on the train, at bars. I made it my MISSION to not be that SINGLE DIVA. Whether you think it’s healthy or not (I really don’t care), I did it, and I’m SO glad I did. And you better believe I have some absolutely insane stories to share (hashtag JDate).
Because of my history, I somehow became the go-to person for dating advice within my friend groups. Pretty sure it’s because I did a fuck ton of it. And let me tell you, it FASCINATES me to hear about other people’s dating lives. We are in such an insane time for dating: social media weirdly plays into it now (which I HATE), and there are just so many ways to meet people (which I LOVE).
So here’s what I’m thinking, and have been thinking about for over a year (the blogger’s lame advice on tv this morning was my final kick-in-the-pants). I’m gonna start a dating advice blog. Each week, I’ll answer some awesome readers’ questions, and I’ll couple it with a highly entertaining story from my vault of dudes (woof that sounds bad). Some will be sweet, some juicy, some shocking…but mostly, (hopefully), just funny. And fun.
Now I am SURE that at least 85% of you are thinking, “WELL WHO THE HELL IS SHE TO GIVE ADVICE?” Well, maybe I’m nobody. Just a gal living in Chicago, still dreaming of the Broadway stage. I've experienced long-term relationships, but that certainly doesn’t make me an expert on them (DUH). But I have done a serious amount of dating. And my friends still come to me for advice. And maybe, just maybe, that advice could be helpful to others too? I guess only time will tell.
So if you have a dating question, PLEASE! Leave it in the comments section! I’m not here to preach. I’d much rather discuss :) And I’ll be back sooner than soon to answer and entertain.
Love it! Also, I'm the WORST at dates...mostly because I hate them. So I'm super curious what you have to say. (also, if you ever want to make an experiment out of an opera diva that is pretty much learning to be okay with being forever alone and having the career as my lover)
5/18/2016 12:11:12 pm
Thanks, Ksenia! You've inspired me...how to train your brain to LIKE dating...xo
5/18/2016 12:19:40 pm
Do yo give advice to 66 year olds?
5/18/2016 01:12:14 pm
You know it! Fire away!
5/18/2016 03:47:46 pm
A fun and well written first blog post! After years of being a serial girlfriend and quickly moving out of one relationship and right into the next one, I decided to make 2014 my "Year of Single." And I owned that shit!
5/18/2016 03:49:29 pm
Wow! I can't thank you enough for this incredibly thoughtful comment. I'd love to explore your question in a future post, if that's alright with you! Really awesome question. Thanks again!
5/18/2016 03:53:12 pm
P.S. Congrats on your happy engagement!! xo
5/19/2016 05:40:56 am
5/19/2016 10:01:55 am
Any words of encouragement would help! I recently feel a bit hopeless and want to give up on dating.
5/19/2016 10:22:11 am
Been there-I think we all have! You're not alone-hang in there. I also really appreciate your honesty. It's easy to just keep trucking along without being honest with yourself, so good on ya. I promise words of encouragement are on the way :) Thanks for reading.
Leave a Reply.