WOW! Starting a blog is FUN! Thanks to my pals for all the comments, shares on Facebook, and texts. But now let’s get down to BIZ-NASS.
I got the most amazing comment on my first blog post from “Anonymous”. Anonymous, I don’t know who you are (obviously), but I would like to platonically kiss you on the mouth for the WISDOM you spewed. This gal generously shared that after years of being a serial monogamist, she made 2014 her “Year of Single”, and she “owned that shit”. Hell yeah. She said that after the year, she ended up getting together with a coworker, and they’re now ENGAGED: “if we had started dating before I took that year to figure my shit out, it never would have worked out. Sure, we probably would have had some fun, but no way we would have realized that we are meant for each other”. Anonymous, let me just say on behalf of all of us: we BOW DOWN. You did what was best for you, and that is what we call MAD self-respect. I read this awesome series once of celebrity dads’ letters to their daughters. Ethan Hawke said in his to "just remember that the secret to enjoying any romance is your own self-respect. If you respect yourself, you will be amazed at the quality of people who show up around you, and how you begin to respect others." And that is when I knew that Ethan Hawke is a genius.
Anywho, Anonymous also asked a truly awesome question: “I’m curious, what is your opinion on placing arbitrary restrictions on ourselves when it comes to dating? Is it completely reasonable or totally insane to refuse to date someone based on height, profession, or a personal inability to stay single”? Again, Anonymous! BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE…really…cool…stuff (I’ll see myself out).
In all seriousness, though. This is good stuff. To put it in the vernacular, I think it’s related to what we call “type”. I’d say that most people have one. Up until I was about 23, most of the guys I’d dated were fairly similar. I knew what I liked. But I remember when I realized that what I “liked” wasn’t WORKING for me. When we refuse to date outside our type, we’re LIMITING ourselves, and our piece of the dating pool gets smaller and smaller. As you know, I’m a huge proponent of dating as many different kinds of people as possible; to figure out what you need and want…so having a super specific type just doesn’t align with that ideology. In all honestly, I think it’s wisest to date ALL types of people for as LONG as possible, until you’re really able to identify why your type is your type, and what about your type isn’t so important. I personally need someone with a sense of humor. With passion and a drive. Who’s family-oriented. And who has an outgoing personality. Through dating people who did and didn’t have those qualities, I realized they were necessities for me. I also figured out that some of the things I’d valued really weren’t so important, and certainly shouldn’t stop me from at least grabbing a drink with someone.
However, as my dear friend Maddie says…we all have limits. And that is SO VALID. I reached a point around age 24 when I realized, that for me, it was just not gonna work to date another actor. Now, I am not saying this is true for every actor, or every person who wants to date within their profession. But for me personally, it became a limit. I didn’t want to come home every day and talk about work! I also felt a weird sense of competition. And even worse-when we inevitably broke up, I just couldn’t deal with seeing them at auditions or openings, or even worse-auditioning FOR THEM (literal barf. No, literally. Once it made me barf. It was awesome!).
Several years ago, I had just broken up with an actor I was dating and I was TORN UP about it. Like…a weirdly deep heartbreak for a 2 month “relationship”. Let’s call the specimen David. I was at a THIRD callback (ridiculous) for a show I was desperate to book (spoiler alert: I didn’t), and got paired up to read with a male actor I knew relatively well. Let’s call him Robert. As Robert and I were waiting to read, I saw DAVID WALK IN. Crap. When he went to the bathroom, I just couldn’t help myself. I leaned over to Robert and said “oh my God. Did you just see that guy who walked into the bathroom? I literally just broke up with him”. I proceeded to give hungry-for-gossip Robert every last detail about what an asshole David had turned out to be…and then I turned my head to see that David’s best friend had silently sat down next to me. To this day, I have no idea what he heard/told David. But let’s just say it helped me realize that I’m just too emotional and sensitive (and clearly, STUPID) of a person to date other actors. And that’s okay! Thus, my limit was born.
Limits are natural and necessary when navigating the dating world. It’s when they become immobilizing to our progress that it might be time to re-assess. What do YOU think?
P.S. For my next post, I think I’ll be writing about how to get you out of that “I hate dating” funk. Any questions, tips, or stories to share? Please, comment below!
5/19/2016 11:32:45 am
Ah! You are so right, but this is so HARD! I have a specific type (pretty boys), but it never works. EVER!!! You're right. Time to broaden...
5/19/2016 11:44:24 am
Loving this! I'd also love to hear about how you think we could learn to love dating-because right now it's a CHORE!!!!!
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