Dat Social Media Game
I recently published an open and anonymous forum, asking for feedback on what’d you’d like to read about in Girl’s Gotta Eat. You can check it out here.
Everything I’ve received so far has been nothing short of fascinating. Here was one of the first responses:
“You briefly mentioned social media posts in your last entry and I'd love to see a full post on it. It seems like every guy I've dated, including my current boyfriend (who is wonderful), really doesn't tend to post pictures of us on social media, and I don't totally get it. I have a tendency to date hipsters who aren't big into fb to begin with, to be fair. I think there's also part of it that doesn’t seem "masculine", to post nice things about your S.O. on the Internet- too emotionally open?? My bf is fine with being tagged in stuff, and will sometimes even send me pictures he's taken, and then I post them. Seems weird, but definitely one of those things that wouldn't be rewarding to complain to him about, because it's the type of thing you WANT him to WANT to do. Can't a girl be a #wcw??”
Sidenote: I don’t really have an idea how many people “read” this blog. I can see page visits, but I can’t track who sits down and pours over the posts. However…I LOVE YOU, READERS! WHOEVER YOU ARE! The comments I’ve gotten so far have just freaking ruled. RULED. You’re all so smaaaahhht! THANK YOU!!
So let’s get down to business.
Hey #wcw: (your new nickname-cause someone’s gotta call you theirs, and it might as well be me) damn this is a good question. SO loaded.
I’ve been in a long-term relationship with someone who never posted about me on social media. And it bugged the shit out of me.
I’ve also been in a long term relationship with someone who posted ooey gooey stuff about us all the time. And that was just kind of embarrassing.
I think social media is stupid and a life-ruiner (#ReginaGeorge) and immature and I have 3 Instagram accounts/Facebook profiles/Twitter feeds. So. We all make choices.
At the end of the day, social media is a huge part of our world right now, whether we like it or not. And so, I think it’s difficult to ignore the part it plays in our romantic relationships, just like the part it plays in ALL of our relationships, in some way or another.
I’d love to meet the girl who posts occasionally about her relationship, is with someone who doesn’t do the same, and DOESN’T CARE. Girl, if you’re out there-I salute you.
However-I just don’t think we’re all on your level. At least not yet.
Here’s the thing: if you take social media out of the picture, and you don’t have pre-existing relationship doubts, you have nothin’ to worry about. Because SOCIAL MEDIA DOES NOT EQUAL REAL LIFE.
Let’s back it up a little:
I chatted with a girlfriend about this, and she pointed out that social media can be validating. When your new boyfriend posts a photo of you two together, it feels like he’s proud of the relationship…and that feels good. And guess what? THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. Who isn’t seeking validation, in one way or another?
Along the lines of my life motto “feel your feelings”, I think all of our wants and needs are valid. So if you’re with someone who doesn’t post about you, and that bothers you, there’s nothing wrong with that. It may seem silly, but your feelings aren’t.
Like I mentioned in a previous post, #wcw, we could spend a lot of time trying to get in your partner’s head, questioning why he doesn’t post about you more often. We could also chat about how often he’s on social media, or how long you’ve been together, or what he does post about when he is on Facebook.
But I don’t think any of that helps us get to the root of the issue here.
Social media at its core is all about sharing with your “network”. When your partner isn’t posting about you, it can be confusing: why wouldn’t they want to share that part of their life, a part that feels so important to you?
The gist of the issue is this: what about our partner not posting about us on social media is so bothersome?
I think, in one way or another, it boils down to FEAR. Fear that:
HOWEVER-social media isn’t exactly an accurate depiction of real life. Let’s get real-the majority of posts out there are selectively showing off the good stuff, right?
Like I said-if you take social media out of the picture, and you don’t have pre-existing fear/reservations about your relationship, then your partner’s social media activity (or lack thereof) should ABSOLUTELY NOT CREATE ANY FOR YOU.
It’s when your partner’s social media game is indicative of previously existing relationship issues that we’ve got ourselves a problem. It’s a visual representation of your fears, and fuels any sort of distrust.
That’s just logic.
So do yourself a favor, #wcw: take a good look at your relationship. Do you have trust issues? Do you wonder if you two are on the same page? Do you have doubts? If so, maybe your boyfriend’s lack of women crush Wednesday’s are just further evidence of your fear, and that’s the piece that I’d suggest bringing up to him.
But if you’re not already experiencing doubts: do yourself a favor, and FUH’GET ABOUT IIIIIIIIT <3
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